练过的材料
- 第一篇练习：英国不同年龄人群三类开销（food and drink / restaurants and hotels / entertainment）的 bar chart（柱状图）
- 第二篇练习（课堂未讲完）：某大学师生交通方式变化的图表
写作 · 2026-02-09
雅萱同学的课程学习报告
雅思小作文 Task 1：先把第一篇“开销类别”柱状图改对，再开头看第二篇“交通方式”图
课后复习模块
词汇和表达
- 想强调“接近且偏高”时用 nearly 或 just under，just below 听起来像偏低。
- 同一段里不要把 make up 用两遍，换词显得词汇丰富。
- 能看得见的事物通常可数，要加复数。
- 更地道的 Task 1 表达。
- overview 总述：先把主要趋势说出来，category 放句首作主语。
- 分组模板：数据是“被分”的，所以用被动；one including / another involving / the last including 是固定结构。
纠错重点
- overall the expenditure on young
- the data is roughly divided
- people who aged under thirty
- restaurant and hotel was
- making up just below
- ... and that ...（缺少介词）
可回读产出
- 本节课写作文章改进版：The bar chart compares how much UK residents of different age groups spent on three categories: food and drink（食物和饮料）, restaurants and hotels（餐饮住宿）, and entertainment（娱乐）.；Overall, food and drink was the primary expenditure（主要开销）among most age groups. The data can be roughly divided into three groups: people aged under 30, those aged 30 to 60, and those aged over 60.
- Task 1 小作文：本节课未产出最终定稿。完整改进版见上方的 improvedOutput。建议课后根据原图补全所有具体数字，并核对语法无误后再提交。
课后动作
- 根据本节课 7 个纠错点，把第一篇 expenditure 作文整理成一篇无语法错误的完整版。
- 继续修改第二篇 transport 图表作文，注意 illustrate / present data on、among teachers and students、cars were the dominant mode of transport 等表达。
- 积累 5 组 make up 的同义替换：account for、constitute、represent、comprise、amount to。
一、课堂推进时间轴
1
分数诊断与目标设定
课堂推进：老师先和雅萱一起看了本次小作文的评分，告诉大家目标是“一次写到 80 分水平”，并决定先把这篇改对，再练下一篇。
老师处理：展示批改结果，指出作文目前距离目标还有较大差距，设定 80 分（约雅思 6 分）目标
学生原始输出：（学生在看屏幕上的批改界面，未朗读全文）
老师示范 / 修改方向：目标：一次写到 80 分，先从“写对”开始，再追求“写好”
复习抓手：小作文要先保证语法正确，再谈词汇升级；80 分是本次课的阶段性目标
2
Overview 段改写
课堂推进：老师带雅萱重写 overview（总述段）：先指出 expenditure on young people 不对，因为图讲的是 three categories（三类开销）；红色柱子代表 food and drink（食物和饮料），在绝大多数年龄段都是最高的。
老师处理：纠正 overview 主语和范围，带学生说出“最主要的花销”并写成完整句
学生原始输出：overall the expenditure on young
老师示范 / 修改方向：Food and drink was the primary expenditure among most age groups.
复习抓手：overview 要先说整体最大趋势；把 category（类别）放在句首作主语；expenditure on young people 不是 overview 的写法
3
分组表达与年龄写法
课堂推进：老师教了一个分组模板，并强调“数据是被我们分组”，要用被动语态；年龄统一写成 people aged + 数字。
老师处理：给出 the data can be roughly divided into... 模板；纠正 aged 作形容词、under/over/连字符的用法
学生原始输出：the data is roughly divided; one including people who aged under thirty
老师示范 / 修改方向：The data can be roughly divided into three groups: one including people aged under 30, another involving people aged 30 to 60, and the last including people aged over 60.
复习抓手：数据分组用被动：the data can be roughly divided into...；people aged under / over... 或 people aged 30-60；one including..., another involving..., the last including...
4
第一组细节段：主谓一致、复数与近高表达
课堂推进：改第一段细节：restaurant and hotel 要加 s、用 were；想表达“接近且偏高”要用 nearly 或 just under，不要用 just below；同一段里别把 make up 连续用。
老师处理：改复数和主谓一致；通过“考分”类比讲解 just below / just under / nearly 的语气差别；列出同义替换
学生原始输出：in the first group, restaurant and hotel was ... making up just below ...
老师示范 / 修改方向：Among the youngest generation, restaurants and hotels were the most significant way of spending their money, making up nearly [具体百分比].
复习抓手：a and b 结构用 were；能看得见的可数名词要加复数：restaurants and hotels；强调“接近且偏高”用 nearly / just under，just below 没有偏高感；避免连续使用 make up，可换 accounted for / constituted / represented
5
介词重复与 that/those 指代
课堂推进：老师用饼图例子复习：比较两个事物时，第一个介词必须写出来，and 后面的相同介词可以省略；用 that/those 指代时，要重复前面的介词。
老师处理：用 water for agricultural/domestic use 的例子解释 for 的省略规则；修改 and that on / were exceeded by those on 等结构
学生原始输出：... and that ... ; were exceeded by that ...
老师示范 / 修改方向：expenses on entertainment which accounted for ... and those on restaurants and hotels were exceeded by those on ...
复习抓手：that/those 指代时要重复介词；and 连接的并列成分可把相同介词“提”到前面，但第一个不能省；exceeded 前后要分清谁超过谁
6
第二组细节段：by contrast 与数据对应
课堂推进：进入第二组：food and drink 从后面的名次变成最高，所以用 By contrast 衔接；必须把年龄段和数字一一对应，别让读者跨段找。
老师处理：讲解 by contrast vs however；要求学生写出 30-45、45-60 等年龄与数据；修正 cost 作为动词的用法
学生原始输出：food and drink cost more most in the second group ... in a range ... exceeded that ...
老师示范 / 修改方向：By contrast, in the second group, food and drink cost most. Spending on this category by people aged 30–45 and 45–60 (just under 12, 18 and 24 respectively) exceeded that on entertainment.
复习抓手：排名反过来用 by contrast；数据要对应到具体 age group（年龄组）；cost 是动词，cost of something，表比较可用 exceeding；respectively 不能省，要再写一遍
7
第三组细节段： however、ranked second 与 remaining
课堂推进：改最后一组：先承认前面分组写错了，重新写“However, when it comes to the last group, for people aged over 75...”；food and drink 排第二，剩余花销用 remaining 表达。
老师处理：纠正分组错误；给出 however / when it comes to 模板；换用 ranked second at... / remaining... was allocated to/used on
学生原始输出：the primary expenditure on people who older than ... on entertainment ... the last just over six
老师示范 / 修改方向：However, when it comes to the last group, for people aged over 75, the primary expenditure was on entertainment. Food and drink ranked second at just above [数字], while the remaining spending was used on restaurants and hotels.
复习抓手：同一类别排名变化用 however；when it comes to... 用于转换到下一组；ranked second at... 描述排名第二；remaining 表示“剩余的”，后接 was allocated to / was used on
8
课堂错误清单总结
课堂推进：老师把本节课反复出现的错误列成清单，方便雅萱课后对照：分组模板、people aged 写法、and 用 were、名词复数、just under/nearly 和 just over、同义替换、介词重复。
老师处理：口头逐条总结 7 个高频纠错点
学生原始输出：（学生听讲并记录）
老师示范 / 修改方向：1. the data can be roughly divided into... 2. people aged under/over... 3. a and b 用 were 4. 可数名词加复数 5. nearly/just under 表近高，just over 表近低 6. make up 替换 accounted for/constitute/represent 7. that/those 重复介词
复习抓手：把散乱错误归纳为可复习清单；先保证语法正确，再逐步增加替换
9
第二篇 transport 作文审题
课堂推进：时间有限，老师带雅萱快速看第二篇交通方式图：depict 可换 illustrate / present data on；teachers and students 前用 among；cars 作主语要用复数 were。
老师处理：审题、替换词汇、指出主谓一致和名词复数问题
学生原始输出：The bar chart depicts ... proportion ... the transportation methods ... for population ... to university ... car was the dominant way of transportation ... another significant method was buses
老师示范 / 修改方向：The bar chart illustrates / presents data on the means of transport used by teachers and students / faculty and undergraduates to travel to a university, including changes caused by the introduction of... In 2004, cars were the dominant mode of transport, making up...
复习抓手：depict 在 Task 1 里可换 illustrate / present data on；among teachers and students 表示“在……之中”；cars were the dominant mode of transport（主谓一致）；including changes caused by... 描述变化原因
二、本节课亮点表现
学会了 overview 要先写整体最大趋势：Food and drink was the primary expenditure among most age groups。
掌握了分组模板：The data can be roughly divided into three groups, one including... another involving... the last including...。
知道了 people aged + 数字 是写年龄最简单、最不容易错的方法。
改掉了 restaurant and hotel 裸奔的错误，要记住看得见的东西通常可数，得加 s：restaurants and hotels。
明白了想表达“接近且偏高”要用 nearly 或 just under，不要用 just below。
积累了 make up 的同义替换：accounted for、constituted、represented、contributed。
懂得了 that/those 指代前面名词时，要重复前面的介词，如 that on... / those on...。
三、本节课用了哪些材料
- 第一篇练习：英国不同年龄人群三类开销（food and drink / restaurants and hotels / entertainment）的 bar chart（柱状图）
- 第二篇练习（课堂未讲完）：某大学师生交通方式变化的图表
四、学生课堂输出
课堂内容
overall the expenditure on young
课堂内容
the data is roughly divided; one including people who aged under thirty
课堂内容
in the first group, restaurant and hotel was ... making up just below ...
课堂内容
... and that ... ; were exceeded by that ...
课堂内容
food and drink cost more most in the second group ... in a range ... exceeded that ...
课堂内容
the primary expenditure on people who older than ... on entertainment ... the last just over six
课堂内容
The bar chart depicts ... proportion ... the transportation methods ... for population ... to university ... car was the dominant way of transportation ... another significant method was buses
五、本节课写作文章改进版
这是按课堂已讲方向整理的课后复习改进版。文中用 [ ] 标出的具体数字请根据原图填入；已经明确的课堂数据（如 just over 6%）已保留。
The bar chart compares how much UK residents of different age groups spent on three categories: food and drink（食物和饮料）, restaurants and hotels（餐饮住宿）, and entertainment（娱乐）.
Overall, food and drink was the primary expenditure（主要开销）among most age groups. The data can be roughly divided into three groups: people aged under 30, those aged 30 to 60, and those aged over 60.
Among the youngest generation（最年轻的人群）, restaurants and hotels were the most significant way of spending their money, making up nearly [具体百分比]. By contrast, expenditure on entertainment, which accounted for just over 6%, was much lower, while the figure for food and drink was the smallest in this group.
By contrast, in the second group, food and drink cost most. Spending on this category by people aged 30–45 and 45–60 (just under 12, 18 and 24 respectively) exceeded that on entertainment.
However, when it comes to the last group, for people aged over 75, the primary expenditure was on entertainment. Food and drink ranked second at just above [数字], while the remaining spending was used on restaurants and hotels.
六、本节课纠错
| 原句问题 | 推荐表达 | 记忆方法 |
|---|---|---|
| overall the expenditure on young | ||
| the data is roughly divided | ||
| people who aged under thirty | ||
| restaurant and hotel was | ||
| making up just below | ||
| ... and that ...（缺少介词） | ||
| food and drink cost more most | ||
| the primary expenditure on people who older than | ||
| car was the dominant way of transportation |
七、定稿作文 / 改写方向
Task 1 小作文 课堂改进版（未最终定稿）
本节课未产出最终定稿。完整改进版见上方的 improvedOutput。建议课后根据原图补全所有具体数字，并核对语法无误后再提交。
八、课后任务
- 根据本节课 7 个纠错点，把第一篇 expenditure 作文整理成一篇无语法错误的完整版。
- 继续修改第二篇 transport 图表作文，注意 illustrate / present data on、among teachers and students、cars were the dominant mode of transport 等表达。
- 积累 5 组 make up 的同义替换：account for、constitute、represent、comprise、amount to。
九、方法和词汇
方法总结
- 逐句批改 + 现场改写
- 模板句型输入（the data can be roughly divided into...）
- 同义替换升级（make up → accounted for / constituted / represented）
- 通过“考分”类比讲解 just below / just under / nearly 的细微差别
补充词汇
- 在……方面的支出
- 数据可被大致分为……
- ……岁以下 / 以上的人
- 占比 / 占据
- 接近（强调接近且偏高）
- 刚刚超过（强调接近且偏低）
- 相比之下（趋势相反）
- 剩余的
- 交通方式
- 包含由……所带来的变化