练过的材料
- 大作文提纲：动物灭绝 agree/disagree：雅萱课上未完成，老师带领修改开头和主体两段
- 小作文饼图：four airports / purpose of travel：2016 年英国四个机场旅客出行目的占比
- 小作文柱图：citizen spending by age：不同年龄人群在 food/drink、restaurant/hotel 等类别的支出占比
- 小作文动图饼图：mode of transport 2004/2009：两年交通方式占比，老师建议按两个静图写
写作 · 2026-02-08
雅萱同学的课程学习报告
环境类大作文（动物灭绝 agree/disagree）的审题、立场与段落展开；静图小作文（饼图、柱图）的词汇升级与时态修正
课后复习模块
词汇和表达
- 饼图显示‘分布’
- 占比例的高级替换
- 避免同一句式重复
- 偷猎、非法捕猎
- {"context": "agree/disagree 开头段", "sentence": "Some animals' extinction is a natural process, but this does not mean there is no reason for people to prevent it from happening.", "explanation": "直接回答：部分同意，明确立场。"}
- {"context": "主体段衔接", "sentence": "It is primarily due to the fact that...", "explanation": "引出第一个主要原因。"}
纠错重点
- Some animals' extinction is a natural process, but this does not mean there is no reason for people to prevent it.；agree/disagree 题型开头段必须明确回答同意/不同意，不能只说要讨论。
- Overall, traveling for a holiday was the dominant purpose；图中数据是 2016 年的，描述要用一般过去时。
- business ranked third, making up 12%；rank 要过去式；which made 指代不清，用 making up 作伴随。
- the remaining 5% consisted of travelers flying for other reasons；避免与前面 made up 重复，且用 remaining 更简洁。
- The chart illustrates the distribution / break down；主语 chart 是第三人称单数，proportion 可替换为 distribution/break down。
可回读产出
- 本节课写作文章改进版：It is true that the extinction of some animal species is a natural process, but this does not mean that there is no reason for people to prevent it from happening. In my opinion, human beings should take action to stop those extinctions that are caused by human activities.；First, some extinctions do occur naturally, even without any human involvement. This is mainly because of the law of survival of the fittest（适者生存）: animals that cannot adapt to the climate or environment will gradually die out. For example, some species have very complex ways of reproduction（繁殖方式）. Certain fish must migrate（洄游） long distances before they can breed, and animals such as pandas or koalas reproduce slowly and have very limited diets. In the past, such species would simply have disappeared on their own.
- writing：老师课上只完成了逐句修改和思路扩展，最终完整文章留待课后整理。
课后动作
- 开头段先回答题目，再展开原因
- 主体段写两层：自然原因 vs 人为影响
- 同意/不同意题目里的绝对词可以部分同意并重新定义
- 小作文用不同主语和动词避免重复
- 静图按最大项分段
一、课堂推进时间轴
1
课程开场与复习
课堂推进：Miya老师和雅萱同学一起回顾了之前学过的小作文动图和静图（饼图），并说明下周继续学静态柱图；大作文前面用“犯罪”话题练过四种问法，今天进入环境话题。
老师处理：带领快速复习已学内容，说明本周和节前学习安排。
复习抓手：小作文动图已基本学完，下周学静态柱图；大作文 crime 话题已把讨论类、观点类、利弊类、问题解决类结构过了一遍；环境话题开始，后面不再重复四种题型结构
2
大作文审题：开头段要直接回答同意/不同意
课堂推进：雅萱写的开头段先抄题并说“会讨论并给出观点”，老师指出这适合 discuss both sides 题型，不适合 to what extent do you agree or disagree；必须在开头段末尾明确表态。
老师处理：指出开头段未回答题目，示范把立场写进开头。
学生原始输出：It is argued that... We'll discuss it and show my opinion. 因此……
老师示范 / 修改方向：Some animals' extinction is indeed a natural process, but this does not mean there is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. / Although it is a natural process of animal species to become extinct, there is still reason for people to prevent this from happening in certain cases.
复习抓手：agree/disagree 开头段要明确回答：同意 / 不同意 / 部分同意；不要只抄题，要借着题目直接写出自己的观点；铺垫可以有，但铺垫后必须给出明确立场
3
大作文主体：补充“自然灭绝”的深层原因
课堂推进：雅萱同意“有些灭绝是自然过程”，但只写到“人类出现前就存在”。老师指出这一段理由不够，还要补充自然选择、种群自我调节、繁殖方式复杂等深层原因。
老师处理：引导学生给“自然灭绝”补充多层原因和例子。
学生原始输出：有一些动物的灭绝的确是自然过程……
老师示范 / 修改方向：survival of the fittest（适者生存）；种群数量过多会自然消耗资源；繁殖方式太复杂（例如有些鱼要洄游）、繁殖效率低；大熊猫、考拉要不是可爱/保护，早该灭绝。
复习抓手：自然过程可写：适者生存、种群自我调节、繁殖困难；举例可用 fish migration（洄游）、大熊猫、考拉；段落不要只有一层意思
4
大作文主体：反驳“没必要阻止”并给出具体措施
课堂推进：雅萱写“灭绝确实和人类活动有关”，老师指出这没直接回答“人应不应该阻止”。老师引导加入直接捕猎和间接环境破坏两层人为影响，并给出立法、抵制产品等具体措施。
老师处理：纠正“只解释不回答”的问题，示范具体干预措施和间接影响。
学生原始输出：灭绝确实和人类活动有关。
老师示范 / 修改方向：this does not mean that there is no reason for human beings to step in；It is primarily due to the fact that...；减少 poaching（偷猎）/ illegal hunting（非法捕猎）；政府出台 strict laws（严格法律）；人们抵制 fur products（皮草制品）；控制 deforestation（砍伐森林）、habitat loss / fragmentation（栖息地丧失/被分割）、pollution（污染）；disrupt the food chain（破坏食物链）。
复习抓手：回答‘应不应该做’时要说原因 + 人能做什么；人为影响分直接捕猎和间接环境破坏；具体措施：立法、抵制产品、保护环境
5
大作文第二题：用“部分同意”抠字眼
课堂推进：老师看了第二道环境题（题中有 all / immediately / reduce their consumption），教雅萱可以部分同意：同意需要行动，但反驳“所有国家”“立刻”这些绝对词；reduce 不是 stop，immediately 可理解为几年内的短期。
老师处理：讲解 partial agreement（部分同意）和关键词重新定义技巧。
老师示范 / 修改方向：你可以同意它有的是得这么做，但是你让所有的这么做就不太行；reduce 不是 stop，今天用十明天用九点九也算 reduce；act immediately 也可以理解为短期内，比如十年。
复习抓手：agree/disagree 也可以写‘部分同意’；可以重新定义题目里的绝对词：all / immediately / reduce；写作时可以对关键词进行新的解释
6
小作文饼图：时态、词汇和句式升级
课堂推进：雅萱写的饼图小作文把“度假是主要目的”写成 is，老师改成 was；并教她用 distribution / break down 替换 proportion，用 account for / constitute / comprise / making up 替换重复的 make up，用 remaining 表示剩余部分，主语要变化。
老师处理：逐句批改饼图作文，示范词汇和句式变化。
学生原始输出：The chart illustrate the proportion of passengers traveling from four... Overall traveling for a holiday is the dominant purpose... business rank third, which made 12%... the number of passengers who traveled for other reasons made up 5%
老师示范 / 修改方向：The chart illustrates the distribution of... Overall, traveling for a holiday was the dominant purpose... business ranked third, making up 12%... the remaining 5% consisted of travelers flying for other reasons... The majority of travelers departing from Gatwick Airport was to visit their friends and relatives.
复习抓手：小作文数据是某一年的，要用过去时；proportion / percentage 可换成 distribution / break down；make up 可升级 account for / constitute / comprise / represent / making up；避免同一句式重复，可用 majority / main purpose 换主语；剩余部分用 the remaining
7
静态柱图：按最大项分段与年龄表达
课堂推进：老师带雅萱看一张关于 citizen spending（居民消费）按年龄分的柱图，教她先按每组最高项分段，再描述谁最大；年龄表达用 aged under 30 / 30-45 / over 75，年长者可称 elderly people。
老师处理：讲解柱图分段策略和常用表达。
老师示范 / 修改方向：food and drink 是最主要的花销；绝大多数资金被 allocated to / distributed to / used to purchase food and drink；aged under 30 / aged 30-45 / aged over 75；older people / elderly people。
复习抓手：静态柱图分段可参考每组最高项；描写最大支出可用 allocated to / distributed to；年龄表达：aged under / over / 数字-数字；柱图各部分不一定相加为100%，不用 remaining
8
动图饼图：两年数据可当作两个静图写
课堂推进：老师看了一张 2004 和 2009 两年交通方式饼图，告诉雅萱虽然只有两年，但写变化容易雷同，不如把每一年当作独立静图写，先写排名和分布，也可写前两项合计占比。
老师处理：讲解动图饼图的特殊处理。
老师示范 / 修改方向：可以写 each mode of transport ranked first / second / third；followed an even distribution；representing / making up / constituting / accounting for...；the percentage of people using A and B together accounted for...
复习抓手：只有两年的动图饼图可以拆成两个静图写；静图写法：排名 + 占比 + 分布特征；可把前两大项合计写比例
9
课堂整体表现（内部评估）
课堂推进：本节为内部评估，不进入公开区。
老师处理：根据课堂互动评估学生当前水平和教学节奏。
二、本节课亮点表现
学会了 agree/disagree 开头段必须直接回答同意/不同意，不能只写‘会讨论’
给动物灭绝 essay 补充了自然原因、人为影响和解决措施两个方向
小作文饼图要用过去时，并把 proportion 换成 distribution / break down
学了用 account for / constitute / comprise / represent / making up 替换 make up
静态柱图按每组最大项分段，年龄用 aged under/over 表达
只有两年的饼图动图可拆成两个静图写，避免雷同
三、本节课用了哪些材料
- 大作文提纲：动物灭绝 agree/disagree：雅萱课上未完成，老师带领修改开头和主体两段
- 小作文饼图：four airports / purpose of travel：2016 年英国四个机场旅客出行目的占比
- 小作文柱图：citizen spending by age：不同年龄人群在 food/drink、restaurant/hotel 等类别的支出占比
- 小作文动图饼图：mode of transport 2004/2009：两年交通方式占比，老师建议按两个静图写
四、学生课堂输出
课堂内容
{"context": "大作文开头段（课上原稿片段）", "rawText": "It is argued that... We'll discuss it and show my opinion. 因此……"}
课堂内容
{"context": "大作文主体句（原稿）", "rawText": "有一些动物的灭绝的确是自然过程……但是并不是 there is no reason... 灭绝确实和人类活动有关。"}
课堂内容
{"context": "小作文饼图（课上原稿片段）", "rawText": "The chart illustrate the proportion of passengers traveling from four... Overall traveling for a holiday is the dominant purpose... business rank third, which made 12%... the number of passengers who traveled for other reasons made up 5%"}
五、本节课写作文章改进版
按课堂已讲方向整理的课后复习改进版：老师课上把立场句、自然原因、人为影响、解决措施都过了一遍，这里按这些方向整理成可课后背诵/仿写的完整文章。
It is true that the extinction of some animal species is a natural process, but this does not mean that there is no reason for people to prevent it from happening. In my opinion, human beings should take action to stop those extinctions that are caused by human activities.
First, some extinctions do occur naturally, even without any human involvement. This is mainly because of the law of survival of the fittest（适者生存）: animals that cannot adapt to the climate or environment will gradually die out. For example, some species have very complex ways of reproduction（繁殖方式）. Certain fish must migrate（洄游） long distances before they can breed, and animals such as pandas or koalas reproduce slowly and have very limited diets. In the past, such species would simply have disappeared on their own.
However, many extinctions today are directly or indirectly caused by human activity. Directly, illegal hunting and poaching（偷猎） have pushed many animals to the edge of extinction. Indirectly, agriculture, industry and deforestation（砍伐森林） have destroyed natural habitats and caused pollution in water, soil and air. When an animal loses its habitat or its food source, its population drops quickly, and this can also disrupt the food chain（破坏食物链）.
Therefore, governments and individuals both have a reason to step in. Governments should introduce strict laws to ban illegal hunting and the trade in fur products（皮草制品）. At the same time, ordinary people should choose not to buy products made from endangered animals. For the indirect threats, society needs to control pollution and protect natural habitats so that animals can survive.
In conclusion, although extinction can be a natural process, people should still try to prevent those extinctions that are caused by human behaviour. This not only protects animals but also protects human beings themselves.
六、本节课纠错
| 原句问题 | 推荐表达 | 记忆方法 |
|---|---|---|
| It is argued that... This essay will discuss it and show my opinion. | Some animals' extinction is a natural process, but this does not mean there is no reason for people to prevent it. | agree/disagree 题型开头段必须明确回答同意/不同意，不能只说要讨论。 |
| Overall traveling for a holiday is the dominant purpose | Overall, traveling for a holiday was the dominant purpose | 图中数据是 2016 年的，描述要用一般过去时。 |
| business rank third, which made 12% | business ranked third, making up 12% | rank 要过去式；which made 指代不清，用 making up 作伴随。 |
| the number of passengers who traveled for other reasons made up 5% | the remaining 5% consisted of travelers flying for other reasons | 避免与前面 made up 重复，且用 remaining 更简洁。 |
| The chart illustrate the proportion | The chart illustrates the distribution / break down | 主语 chart 是第三人称单数，proportion 可替换为 distribution/break down。 |
七、定稿作文 / 改写方向
writing 课堂未形成最终完整定稿
老师课上只完成了逐句修改和思路扩展，最终完整文章留待课后整理。
八、课后任务
这部分会在确认后补充。
九、方法和词汇
方法总结
- 开头段先回答题目，再展开原因
- 主体段写两层：自然原因 vs 人为影响
- 同意/不同意题目里的绝对词可以部分同意并重新定义
- 小作文用不同主语和动词避免重复
- 静图按最大项分段
补充词汇
- poaching：reduce poaching
- illegal hunting：strict laws against illegal hunting
- survival of the fittest：extinction caused by survival of the fittest
- habitat fragmentation：habitat fragmentation makes breeding difficult
- deforestation：deforestation leads to habitat loss
- distribution / break down：the chart shows the distribution of passengers
- account for / constitute / comprise / represent / make up：business trips accounted for 12%
- the remaining：the remaining 5% were other reasons